Daily

011.

by Rachel-Rebecka
Credit to Poorly Drawn Lines

Me in a nutshell.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. Doesn’t help that I’ve been battling the flu (it’s not Big Rona – thank Leviathan – it’s the other one) for the better part of the last month-and-a-half. I’m at the end of it now, thankfully, but the fatigue has been especially hard to shake. I haven’t been sick like this is probably four years, since I had Big Rona the first time. I’ve discovered that I turn into a giant blob of absolute fucking mess and an inconsolable infant when I get sick now, which is a recent development. I felt bad for Charlie for having to put up with me. I probably would have hit me with a stick.

Needless to say, all of my plans went onto the backburner, including my new diet protocol. I had also planned to start inventorying my mom’s things and going through what needs to be boxed up for my aunt, but that hasn’t happened yet either. Trying to psyche myself up isn’t working, and my brain just wants to scream when I think about everything I have to do before my trip to Terrance in July. I still haven’t even told my aunt that we’re coming yet or looked into hotels or anything.

I think it’s going to come down to just… doing it. Start in a corner and work my way through. Make a list and start crossing things off. I have a lot of hard decisions that I’m going to have to make and even though I don’t want to be the one to do it, it has to be done, and no one else in my family is stepping forward to do it. My dad’s attitude is just to shrug his shoulders at it. Which is a bit infuriating but I want to be sensitive to his grief, so I don’t give him shit about it.

The only really exciting thing that’s happened in the last little while is that for my birthday, my little family took a mini-trip to Kamloops. I got to go to the mall (which I didn’t know had a Torrid – I would have saved a few grand if I’d known), have some Popeye’s chicken and just spend time with Charlie and the kids and have some fun. Emilie got her ears pierced, which she’s been asking to do for a while now. I haven’t done the “birthday weekend” thing for a few years, so it was nice to get out for a while. The first night though, I ended up falling on my face in the parking lot and ripping my left knee open. Thankfully it didn’t impede to much of my fun, other than just being a bit annoying because my band-aids kept falling off in spots.

This was my favourite picture from the entire weekend:

The hotel we stayed at had a wonderful breakfast room that overlooked the river and an excellent continental breakfast. The coffee needed a bit of work, but it’s too be expected, I guess. Thankfully there was a very nice Starbucks close to where we were.

I’m thinking about starting book reviews again. I did a couple of reviews on my last blog, which I unfortunately lost, but I thought it might be fun to start those up again. Get some more lifeblood flowing in this little space. I might also dip my claws into album reviews… but I don’t know how that will go because I don’t have much interest in listening to anything other than William Control, Molchat Doma, and Sleep Token these days. We’ll see.

That’s all from me for now. Have an ear worm:

Morgan’s hair in this video… it makes me want to dye my hair red.

Weight Loss Journey

010.

by Rachel-Rebecka

Something I have struggled with my entire life is my weight. I’ve gone back and forth between denial and acceptance of my problem since it first occurred to me that I was bigger than my other female classmates.

The thing is… I never really change anything. I know that I have an issue, but I don’t really do anything about it. Or I will start something, stick with it a few days, and then abandon it. Whether it’s a diet, an exercise program, or just committing to eating less, I never stick with it. Why? I’ve never really understood that. I guess it’s just easier to engage in poor behaviour, to go back to what’s easy and not “do the thing” so-to-speak. It’s easier for me to go to McDonald’s than it is to cook a good, healthy meal at home.

The longest I’ve ever engaged with a program was in 2017, or 2018, when I signed up for a keto program that was being offered through my then doctor’s office. I didn’t have to think about it – I bought all of my food through the program and the only thing I had to buy was low glycemic veggies. I think that’s why I stuck with it for the three months that I did, because I just followed the guidelines from my coach and I didn’t have to think about it. I ended up losing over 50 lbs in those three months, but I ended up getting so sick that I had to stop.

What my coach left out in the explanation of ketosis is that it completely suppresses your hunger. The longer I was in the ketotic state, the less hungry I was and the more I had to force myself to eat. It got so bad that anytime I put food in my mouth, or even thought about eating, I became extremely nauseated. The weight loss was nice, but the nausea was not worth it. I experienced similar symptoms in 2020, when I tried Saxenda (sibling of Ozempic). I lost 9 lbs on that, but the nausea just wasn’t worth it.

When I entered my 30s, I promised myself that by the time I saw 40, I was going to be at a healthy body weight. Whether that was attained through bariatric surgery, through exercise and diet, or both, I was going to be a healthy weight at 40. The sun will be rising for me on the big 3-6 soon, and I’ve had to come to the realization that I’ve only been taking half-measures towards my goal. I was referred to a weight loss program, which I have been working in, but I haven’t been doing as well as I could be, you know? I’m not doing as much as I can do.

I like to avoid the “new year, new me” stuff, because that’s never worked out for me. Instead of resolutions and whatnot, I’ve decided to just refocus on my goal. At some point this year, I should be able to attend my bariatric preparedness course through my program for my surgery (depends where I fall on the waitlist), but in the meantime I’ve decided to try the Optifast program that they offer. The basic gist of the program is that I am on a liquid meal replacement, four times a day. No food, just the meal replacement. Plus water, black coffee or herbal tea if I want. I finally got my medical clearance from my obesity doctor (they have to clear you because this program isn’t suitable for people with certain comorbidities), and my shakes arrived, so I’ve been slowly integrating them into my day. My program facilitator said I can start with two a day, and then a low calorie dinner, which is what I’ve been doing for this last week.

So far, I’ve lost 5 lbs. My only complaint about the shakes is that the fiber in them seems to suck all the moisture out of my body. I have to be sipping on water all day, otherwise I get so thirsty that I get headaches and cottonmouth. I’m going to continue with it, because I’m fully satiated after my shake, I’m not experiencing a lot of cravings, and I’m not nauseated. I’m going to be posting my weigh-in numbers here, to keep accountable. I’m weighing myself every Monday morning, and this was yesterday’s numbers.

Starting weight: 304.6 lbs
Current weight: 299.6 lbs
Week 01 Loss: 5.0 lbs

So far, so good. 🙂 I’m expecting a higher loss this week, because I’m moving to the four shakes per day. I’m so happy to be out of the 300’s.

While on this plan, I’m going to be studying my nutrition, my portions and the proper plating method. I’m going to be moving to a more whole-foods, mostly plant based diet once I complete this run (a cycle of Optifast is for three months) and see how I do.

Daily Music Photodumping

009.

by Rachel-Rebecka

Happy 2024!

If you’re reading this, I hope you had a wonderful holiday season.

Mine turned out to be nice and quiet. On Christmas Eve, Charlie, the girls and myself went visiting with family and dropping off gifts. Poor Autumn was so tuckered out by the end of it, but we had a good time and it was nice to see everyone. It feels weird to me still to have other family in town outside my immediate family, but Charlie’s relatives have been very welcoming to me.

On Christmas day, with Charlie’s help, we made the big turkey dinner. The turkey turned out really well, so it was a pat on the back to myself, because cooking meat is really not my specialty and I had to wing it without a meat thermometer. Charlie’s mom, my sister and my brother-in-law came over, and it felt like a real “family dinner.” I’ve missed the feeling. It’s been so difficult since my mom passed away… things always feel off, and this was the first time since her passing that it didn’t.

For some reason or another, my brother decided not to come, which made me both sad and a little angry. We had a big talk when my mom passed that we would try our best to keep the family traditions going, and he was in agreement with that. I still haven’t sussed out what his reasoning is for bailing, but I’m leaving it alone for right now. I’m hoping he’ll tell me when he’s ready whatever it is going on with him.

I had the week between Christmas and New Years off, so I got to spend that time with Charlie and the girls, doing a bunch of nothing. I had planned to do a bunch of work around the house, but I rarely ever get downtime with my little family, so I decided to say “fuck it” and I put it off instead. Laundry will be there later, you know? New Years Eve was spent doing a bunch of nothing, and New Years day, I made a big chuck roast and we celebrated. (The leftovers made excellent beef dips, too.) Here’s a little photo dump:

Autumn doesn’t like her hat.
Breakfast at McDonald’s.
Tummy time.
Sleepy grinch.
Sleepy elf.
Little Grinch.

Things have been going well for me. Despite the sleep deprivation, I’m in a good headspace. I’m taking advantage of the residual energy from the Capricorn New Moon and now the Leo Full Moon, and setting some health goals. I finally got clearance from my obesity doctor to start on a diet plan called Optifast, now I’m just waiting for my product to arrive from back east. Going to start the year off with a bang, and see if I can’t make a decent dent into my journey to 175 lbs this year. I’ve already lost my baby weight, so it’s just the rest I need to work on. I renewed my membership to Body Groove (if you’re interested in the program – use my link for 10% off your first payment), so I’m going to utilize that. Charlie wants us to get a pass to the rec centre, so that’s another thing we’re going to do. I’m excited to go swimming again. I haven’t been since early in my pregnancy, and Autumn is going to love it.

Here is my latest earworm to share:

Have a wonderful day. 🙂