Daily

Daily Music

021.

by Rachel-Rebecka

Before I start, I just need to drop this gem right here:

The witchy vibes in this video/song are intense. Especially when Gaga speaks about hearing a poem from the Lady in Red that details the end of your life, or however the lyric goes… screamed Badb at me immediately. I’m so happy that she’s coming out with a new album. In the same month that Behemoth is releasing their new album as well… May is going to be a good month for music.

Things have been a bit stressful around here. Dad ended up having to go into the hospital a week and a half ago… he ended up having a breakdown at the dinner table and it looked too much like a seizure for me to not do anything. He was thoroughly evaluated, and they were unable to find anything medically wrong, aside from things that are age-related. The nurses were concerned about all of the same things that I was concerned about, including his depression, but they released him so I guess they weren’t too concerned. I am in the process of trying to get him registered for home care so that the care aides come out once or twice a week and assist him with his daily living activities and whatnot. I am hoping that he won’t refuse, because he needs the help and I, unfortunately, cannot provide it.

Trying to get all the legal stuff on board as well. There is a wonderful lawyer in my building and to get my dad’s will, a representation agreement, and power of attorney done, it’s $1000. I’ve asked around and that seems pretty standard (my Jody paid $800 just for her will). Once those agreements are in place, I have a lot of work to do to get the finances in order and figure out what’s what. I’m having to educate myself as I go, so it’s been an interesting experience trying to get everything together and make a plan. Thankfully my Charlie is the best support person I could ever ask for. I couldn’t imagine dealing with all of this if he wasn’t with me. All of my hair would fall out.

I got the results back for my PIE exam. With both my theory and my transcriptions combined, I got 95%. Not the best, I know I can do better, but considering the dictations that they gave me, I’m just glad I did that well. The mistakes I made were pretty stupid, mostly adding too many commas or commas in the wrong places. I need to keep reminding myself that I need to go slower and to check more often in my Book of Style what the rules are. Medical grammar is not the same as traditional English grammar and I need to get that straight in my head. I’m working through the skeletal system right now, and I have 15 dictations left to do. I was hoping to be done with them today, but my transcription platform isn’t working. This, of course, happens outside the IT hours, and if I enter a ticket for it, they won’t be able to address it until tomorrow and the issue will probably resolve itself before then. Here’s to hoping, anyhow.

This week is going to be good, I think. I get my new CPAP machine on Wednesday, Lupercalia is on Friday, and then I have a long weekend to look forward to. I’m going to make some magick and get some things done. Hopefully, the cool snap lets up a bit (let’s be honest – to go from 1°C to -29°C in a couple of days is a huge dip) so that I can make a couple of runs to the Salvation Army and the share sheds to drop off some things. I’m making my best effort to declutter, and so far I’ve gone through most of my closet and purged my clothes. I need to purge more because I still have a ridiculous amount, but I hope someone gets use out of what I’m getting rid of. Next is books and possibly makeup… we’ll see how it goes.

Daily

020.

by Rachel-Rebecka

I finally did my first Proficiency Improvement Exam for my transcription course. I don’t think I did too terribly – I got 97% on the theory portion, and the dictation grades that have come back so far aren’t too bad. I’m still waiting on my final grade for the dictation portion but hopefully, I’ll have that tomorrow. My instructors told me not to wait for my grade to move to the next module, so tonight I’m starting on text expanders and the skeletal system.

I need to step it up though, if I want to graduate on time. I should be halfway to my second Proficiency Improvement Exam by now, but I’m not. The next few modules should be a breeze, so hopefully I can knock those out in the next few days.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom. It’s kind of hard not to because I’m going through her things, but man… I get into that “what if” spiral, and it’s deadly. I keep thinking about how life would be different if she were still here, what the dynamic of the house would be like. I also mourn the relationship that Autumn will never have with her, and that she’ll never see me and Charlie get married. Grief is a maddening thing. Every time I think I’m getting a little bit better and a little bit more “normal,” it comes back in a wave that just cuts me in half. It’s painful. Especially now, because watching my dad essentially give up on his life after her passing, it’s like getting burned twice.

I try to give myself grace, and I try to be patient with things, as this last decade has just been one major life event after another, but to say that things are “really hard” is a bit of an understatement. I feel myself burning out. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my dad. It’s hard to motivate and inspire someone who has pretty much become a ghost in their own life and doesn’t want to do anything for themselves.

My first thought is always that my mom would know what to do. But, her being gone is what started the fire in all of this and I know that if she were here, things wouldn’t be like this.

I should probably talk to a counsellor. I’ve been wanting to get back into therapy – I just hate that it costs so much. And of course, finding a counsellor here locally is a nightmare because I work in healthcare and I know everyone and how they gossip. The joys of living in a small town.

Thank goddess that tomorrow is Friday. This weekend, I’m just going to put on some Molchat Doma and focus on cleaning. Charlie’s been hacking away slowly at the laundry, but the bedroom is still a disaster. The kitchen and both bathrooms need to be cleaned pretty badly, and Autumn’s room needs to be reorganized. I need to remind myself to get both Emilie and Autumn some bins for organizing next time I’m out shopping. I also might do some baking this weekend. Charlie’s been bothering me for some homemade goodies and it might make me feel better.

Daily Music Photodumping

019.

by Rachel-Rebecka

Happy 2025! If you’re reading this, I hope you had a wonderful time ringing in the new year. 🙂

My holiday season was nice and quiet. I didn’t get to take much time off from work, but thankfully things at the office were quiet as well. Here are a few shots from Christmas morning:

Santa Baby.
Santa Baby.
Autumn and her new JJ.
More toys to look at.
Sisters.
Sisters in front of the tree.

I made an excellent dinner, which was a big hit with everyone. Charlie helped me out a lot with the cooking this year, and I have to say we make a pretty good team in the kitchen. I’m getting to the point now where I’m getting pretty good at just making the stuffing and whatnot just by memory. I didn’t have to keep digging the recipe cards out of Mom’s big recipe box, which is always a bonus.

I’m excited for next Christmas because I will have hopefully gone through all of the decorations Mom had in storage and I can decorate more this year.

Things have been pretty busy around here. Work has been chaotic, with my boss being primarily in the ER now and also now doing the hospitalist sets. Thankfully I’ve always got work to do, though. February is going to be a big month of catch-up for me, cleaning up files and whatnot, and I’m looking forward to it. Have to make that bank. 🙂

This weekend, I am going to start going through my mom’s books. It’s been almost 3 years now, and it’s been long enough. I’ve decided that I’m going to start in the hallway, and clear out what’s in the hallway first, and then move on to the living room. These two areas shouldn’t take too long and will be a good starting point. My sister has said that she’ll come to help, so fingers crossed for that. I’ll take all the help I can get because my mother’s book collection is extensive and it’s taking up room that we could otherwise utilize. I hate to say that because I love books and am a book lover, but one thing that I have come to realize over the last few years, especially since Mom passed, is that it’s just too much. There is a line, and Mom crossed that line several times and it’s just too much. I’m at the point where I look at even my collection of books and I think that I’ve crossed the line a bit.

2025 is going to be spent getting the house in order. That was my goal the last 2 years in a row, but now that things are more settled and I’ve got a mobile toddler instead of a baby on my hip, things will be easier to get done. Honestly, I’m looking forward to it.

Another goal I have for this year is to continue with my bariatric journey. I only have one more thing to complete for my program referral, which is my CPAP titration, which I am currently in the middle of. I’m going to work on meal planning/prepping and continuing with my nutrition studies. Once the diet is figured out, I can focus on the fitness aspect. I upgraded my Body Groove membership to Lifetime, and there is a lot of different programs on there to work through. Once I get my stamina up, I can think about entering a gym atmosphere. Charlie has said that he’ll help me, and we’ll do it together. I’m forever grateful for his support.

Here is the first of my musical discoveries this year, Kælan Mikla. I am only still on X because of the Gothic Music Videos account, which helps me discover absolute gems. This is my favourite of the songs I’ve listened to so far:

Haunting and lovely, right? Icelandic is such a beautiful language. It makes me miss when Phil and I used to listen to Sigur Rós all the time in high school (and I still do on occasion – Ágætis byrjun is still one of my favourite albums of all time).