Daily Music Weight Loss Journey

022.

by Rachel-Rebecka

I didn’t mean to disappear again. I’ve been having some… mental blocks? I guess you could call them that. Every time I sit down to write, I got nothing. My English teacher always told me that if I wasn’t able to write, just to write about not being able to write, and the dam would break. We’ll see how that goes.

February and March have gone by so fast. I was battling a very nasty case of strep throat for most of it, which took me to the ER a couple of weeks ago because my uvula was so swollen that it blocked my airway. I don’t go to the ER often, so you know if something takes me there, it’s pretty dire. The doctor I saw was wonderful. She gave me dexamethasone (that stuff was a miracle – I didn’t realize how much I was struggling until I took it and all my swelling vanished an hour later), children’s Advil and Tylenol, and an outpatient prescription for penicillin-VK.

Turns out that I have developed an allergy to penicillin, which caused my gums on the left side to become severely swollen and inflamed, and a petechiae rash on my legs. I have never been allergic to any medication I’ve ever taken, so that was a very new situation for me. My doctor was quite concerned, and he wants me to get tested formally, but I’m not sure if I’m game for something like that yet. I’m finally feeling better and eating properly… I don’t want to give that up just yet.

My birthday ended up being pretty low key. Charlie bought Indian food from my favourite place, and we had red velvet cake. So far, 37 is okay. I don’t feel any different. I thought I would be a bit of a wreck about it, because I’m creeping close to the big 4-0 now, but I have found that I don’t really care about it. I don’t feel my age, I don’t look my age, and as long as I feel okay and keep up with my health, I’ll be fine.

I’ve gotten my formal diagnosis of diabetes, as well. That happened. I did the stupid glucose tolerance test (worst two hours of my life don’t cha know) and it came back with an elevated fasting glucose. It wasn’t super high, but it was enough to be over the line. I’ve been taking metformin, but my doctor and I are talking about switching me to Ozempic. He told me that metformin is weight-neutral, and he wants me on something that’s going to help me with weight loss. I don’t see him again until May – if I see my bariatric doctor before that, I might just ask them to prescribe it for me. I scored some samples from the pharmacy rep, but I’m too scared to try it without talking to someone first.

Other than that… life has just been work, school, taking care of the girls, and coven stuff. Also, new Sleep Token dropped and I’ve been listening to it on repeat since it came out. Apparently, we’re getting a new single on April 4, by the name of “Caramel,” but we’ll see. Worship.

Beautiful, right? I swear, Vessel’s voice could melt butter. Sometimes I just marvel at the fact that he’s a real person; that a real person could be so talented.

Anywho. I’m working on some poetry that I’m hoping to polish up and share. I haven’t written poetry in a while, so I’m being gentle with myself. I’ll post that when I feel it’s ready to be shared.

Daily Music

021.

by Rachel-Rebecka

Before I start, I just need to drop this gem right here:

The witchy vibes in this video/song are intense. Especially when Gaga speaks about hearing a poem from the Lady in Red that details the end of your life, or however the lyric goes… screamed Badb at me immediately. I’m so happy that she’s coming out with a new album. In the same month that Behemoth is releasing their new album as well… May is going to be a good month for music.

Things have been a bit stressful around here. Dad ended up having to go into the hospital a week and a half ago… he ended up having a breakdown at the dinner table and it looked too much like a seizure for me to not do anything. He was thoroughly evaluated, and they were unable to find anything medically wrong, aside from things that are age-related. The nurses were concerned about all of the same things that I was concerned about, including his depression, but they released him so I guess they weren’t too concerned. I am in the process of trying to get him registered for home care so that the care aides come out once or twice a week and assist him with his daily living activities and whatnot. I am hoping that he won’t refuse, because he needs the help and I, unfortunately, cannot provide it.

Trying to get all the legal stuff on board as well. There is a wonderful lawyer in my building and to get my dad’s will, a representation agreement, and power of attorney done, it’s $1000. I’ve asked around and that seems pretty standard (my Jody paid $800 just for her will). Once those agreements are in place, I have a lot of work to do to get the finances in order and figure out what’s what. I’m having to educate myself as I go, so it’s been an interesting experience trying to get everything together and make a plan. Thankfully my Charlie is the best support person I could ever ask for. I couldn’t imagine dealing with all of this if he wasn’t with me. All of my hair would fall out.

I got the results back for my PIE exam. With both my theory and my transcriptions combined, I got 95%. Not the best, I know I can do better, but considering the dictations that they gave me, I’m just glad I did that well. The mistakes I made were pretty stupid, mostly adding too many commas or commas in the wrong places. I need to keep reminding myself that I need to go slower and to check more often in my Book of Style what the rules are. Medical grammar is not the same as traditional English grammar and I need to get that straight in my head. I’m working through the skeletal system right now, and I have 15 dictations left to do. I was hoping to be done with them today, but my transcription platform isn’t working. This, of course, happens outside the IT hours, and if I enter a ticket for it, they won’t be able to address it until tomorrow and the issue will probably resolve itself before then. Here’s to hoping, anyhow.

This week is going to be good, I think. I get my new CPAP machine on Wednesday, Lupercalia is on Friday, and then I have a long weekend to look forward to. I’m going to make some magick and get some things done. Hopefully, the cool snap lets up a bit (let’s be honest – to go from 1°C to -29°C in a couple of days is a huge dip) so that I can make a couple of runs to the Salvation Army and the share sheds to drop off some things. I’m making my best effort to declutter, and so far I’ve gone through most of my closet and purged my clothes. I need to purge more because I still have a ridiculous amount, but I hope someone gets use out of what I’m getting rid of. Next is books and possibly makeup… we’ll see how it goes.

Daily

020.

by Rachel-Rebecka

I finally did my first Proficiency Improvement Exam for my transcription course. I don’t think I did too terribly – I got 97% on the theory portion, and the dictation grades that have come back so far aren’t too bad. I’m still waiting on my final grade for the dictation portion but hopefully, I’ll have that tomorrow. My instructors told me not to wait for my grade to move to the next module, so tonight I’m starting on text expanders and the skeletal system.

I need to step it up though, if I want to graduate on time. I should be halfway to my second Proficiency Improvement Exam by now, but I’m not. The next few modules should be a breeze, so hopefully I can knock those out in the next few days.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom. It’s kind of hard not to because I’m going through her things, but man… I get into that “what if” spiral, and it’s deadly. I keep thinking about how life would be different if she were still here, what the dynamic of the house would be like. I also mourn the relationship that Autumn will never have with her, and that she’ll never see me and Charlie get married. Grief is a maddening thing. Every time I think I’m getting a little bit better and a little bit more “normal,” it comes back in a wave that just cuts me in half. It’s painful. Especially now, because watching my dad essentially give up on his life after her passing, it’s like getting burned twice.

I try to give myself grace, and I try to be patient with things, as this last decade has just been one major life event after another, but to say that things are “really hard” is a bit of an understatement. I feel myself burning out. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my dad. It’s hard to motivate and inspire someone who has pretty much become a ghost in their own life and doesn’t want to do anything for themselves.

My first thought is always that my mom would know what to do. But, her being gone is what started the fire in all of this and I know that if she were here, things wouldn’t be like this.

I should probably talk to a counsellor. I’ve been wanting to get back into therapy – I just hate that it costs so much. And of course, finding a counsellor here locally is a nightmare because I work in healthcare and I know everyone and how they gossip. The joys of living in a small town.

Thank goddess that tomorrow is Friday. This weekend, I’m just going to put on some Molchat Doma and focus on cleaning. Charlie’s been hacking away slowly at the laundry, but the bedroom is still a disaster. The kitchen and both bathrooms need to be cleaned pretty badly, and Autumn’s room needs to be reorganized. I need to remind myself to get both Emilie and Autumn some bins for organizing next time I’m out shopping. I also might do some baking this weekend. Charlie’s been bothering me for some homemade goodies and it might make me feel better.